Death of a Spouse? - How to Make New Friends and Find Love After 50

Back to the :
Article Archive
Learning Lounge



Has the recent death of your spouse left you feeling lonely, uncertain and insecure about yourself and your place in the world? Maybe you want to start getting out, meet new people and have more fun but don't know where to start.

Perhaps you're even hoping that there will come a day for a second chance at love. If any of this sounds familiar. don't worry, there is life after being widowed. In this article we will explore these questions and discuss the best way to meet like-minded people and how to improve your chance of finding love even as a widow.

There will come a time when you're ready to move ahead with your life after grieving the death of a spouse--to get on with your life and discover what this new chapter has to offer. When this happens, you may find it challenging to stop constant dwelling on what you've lost, and begin looking at the time ahead as a chance to experience happiness in your life once again.

"But how can I move on?" you may ask. "How do I get back into the social scene and start making new friends?"

Our experience has shown that it's not only possible to establish new, lasting friendships after the death of a spouse--after being widowed, you have a great chance of finding a new love as well! If you learn the following set of self-reflection skills it will help you discover the most important things you want to experience in these new relationships, and how to go about creating them.

First, we suggest you begin by reflecting on the areas of your life in which you are content and then identify the elements that make those areas work. Identifying what is most meaningful and what gives your life the greatest sense of purpose--what you most deeply value--is a major step on the path to true happiness. Once these have been identified, you can use these values to seek out activities and situations that reinforce them.

Identify Your Values for a Happier Life

When exploring your sense of meaning and purpose, it's helpful to ask yourself a series of basic questions to get the process started. Examples of these are:

  • What are the things I love to do?
  • How do I love to spend my time?
  • What makes me feel good?

If you need a guiding hand in this process, download a copy of our free Values Exercise.

Once you have identified what's most important to you--you can use this knowledge for a deeper examination of all of the areas of your life, including (but not limited to):

  • play
  • personal relationships
  • social settings
  • adventure
  • contribution
  • relaxation
  • . . .

The more experience you have at recognizing you values when you see them in action in one area of your life, the better your chances of noticing and acting on opportunities for happiness when they come along.

Identifying which of your personal relationships and the social settings leave you the most satisfied can act as a great guide. You can use these to move you in the right direction for meeting new people and finding activities that will be the most compatible.

For example, if contribution and nurturing are values you have identified as important in your life, joining a charitable group will provide you with an outlet for those qualities while introducing you to others that care about similar things. This process of personal values analysis can also be fruitful when seeking a new love.

Get a Second Chance at Love

It is important that you have identified what values you appreciate most in relationships before approaching the task of seeking out a new mate. If you are certain about what you are looking for in a partner, you will be much more likely to recognize that person when they arrive in your life.

If your relationship values still need a little fine tuning, use the Values Exercise again. Spend some time contemplating what it would be like to have an extraordinary relationship with a new mate. Imagine the effect that this would have on your life.

It's easy to be all thought and no action when it comes to rejuvenating your life. An important part of creating anything you want is to create some accountability.

Enlist the help of some trusted friends and let them know about the specific qualities you're looking for in a mate. Tell them that you've started a project to create the perfect new relationship and then schedule regular times to meet with this people and brainstorm about strategies you can use to find such a person.

Don't worry if one of your strategies doesn't work. These friends can help you figure out another tactic that might be a more successful.

To wrap this up, remember that the purpose of this self-evaluation is to turn your focus and energy away from what you don't want in your life--the grief and loss associated with your spouse's death, your loneliness, or the problems you imagine in establishing new friendships and fitting in--and instead, turning your attention to what you do want and the actions you can take right away so you can begin to experience them.

Keep in mind: What you focus your attention on will become the dominant force in creating your future. If your focus is on the never ending flow of opportunities for happiness that are still available to you, experiencing true happiness is well within your reach.

If you're ready to start experiencing more happiness and begin creating extremely satisfying relationships in all areas of your life sign up for our free thought-provoking, motivational Weekly Action Tips email series. Each tip offers practical advice for creating and living the life you really want.

And for more great relationship tips, visit our blog:

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

Published by Beth Banning and Neill Gibson, founders of Focused Attention. Our mission is to provide very effective self help and personal development tools, and the skills to use them well. Our passion is to help you build a strong foundation for deeply satisfying relationships in all areas of your life.

Discover why over 80% of our clients say our courses are extremely effective for building self acceptance, self esteem, and self confidence. Learn how to reduce the stress of difficult conversations and problem situations, and accelerate your personal growth and ability to succeed at the same time.

For more information, to sign up for our eZine or enroll in our free thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at:
phone: 858-736-9090

(c) 2006, Focused Attention, Inc.

Reprint Guidelines You are welcome to reprint this article in its entirety, electronically or in print, free of charge as long as you include our full signature block above and our Web site address as a hyperlink. Please send us a courtesy email letting us know where you have reprinted our article.

Want to start applying these skills in your life today...?
Focused Attention Store
Connect with Us:
Visit our New Age Self Help blog
Join Beth on LinkedIn
Subscribe to our New Age Self Help blog
Join Neill on LinkedIn
New Age Self Help Fan Page
Focused Attention YouTube
Follow New Age Self Help on Twitter
Follow Beth on Twitter
Follow Neill on Twitter