Self-Esteem...
How to Turn I'm Not Good Enough, into I'm Un-Stoppable

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What is the connection between the importance of self-esteem and transforming the "not good enough" thoughts we have about ourselves? Building self-esteem for women and men, and improving children's self-esteem, has been an important topic of research for a long time now. In this article you will discover that self-esteem is actually a by-product of self-confidence, rather than a goal in itself. Read on to learn valuable steps for regaining your natural self-confidence.

Do you ever worry that you're not good enough, not smart enough, or you simply don't have what it takes? Do you ever worry that this is keeping you from achieving the things you want most in your life?

According to a recent report by the Priory Group, entitled I'm Not Good Enough , millions of British women suffer from low self-esteem, which in turn adversely influences their mental health, relationships, work, and overall quality of life.

How many of these statements apply to you?

1. I don't think I'm good enough to get the things I want.

2. Sometimes I feel worthless.

3. My needs don't seem to matter to other people.

4. I worry about what other people think of me.

5. Now and then, it seems like there's something wrong with me.

6. I have to do everything myself. It's like I'm all alone.

7. I'm powerless (weak, not safe, helpless).

8. At times I can't take care of myself in challenging situations.

9. I have no choice because...

10. I'm unlovable (unworthy)

If more than one of these statements rings true to you, you're not alone. These limiting beliefs are one result of how we interpret unpleasant experiences from our past. However, that's not the only way we come to believe that these statements are true.

Have you ever heard someone say that one of these statements was true about you? Even though that doesn't make any of these statements "THE TRUTH", the impact of believing such a statement can have serious consequences on our self-esteem.

On the other hand, people's self-esteem has never improved just because people made positive statements about them. In fact, many who work in the field now agree that self-esteem fans tend to go overboard when they recommended that children should be praised to make them feel good, regardless of their effort or motivation.

These people seem to focus on self-esteem as a goal, rather than a by-product of one's confidence in their ability to achieve what they want for themselves. Some people describe this as "competent behavior", which is just another way of saying that your actions produce the results you want.

So how can we learn to build self-esteem, if self-esteem (or self-worth) is just a byproduct of self-confidence? The shortest path to building your sense of confidence, is to experience your actions producing the results that you want.

Unfortunately, each limiting belief that we have adopted along the way becomes an obstacle. They prevent us from investing the time and energy it takes to develop enough competency in our skills to achieve the level of confidence we need to produce the self-esteem that we desire.

The first step down the path of raising confidence consists of transforming these limiting beliefs that prevent us from developing new skills or honing the ones we have already developed. Sound impossible? Actually, transforming these beliefs may actually be easier than it seems.

To transform limiting beliefs you start by putting out the painful fire of your judgments. What are we taught to do when faced with fire? We're told to Stop, Drop and Roll. How does the Stop, Drop and Roll method apply to the transformation of our limiting beliefs? Stop and listen to the warning signals -- Drop the judgments -- Roll out a new plan.

Stop

Start with of the practice of being aware of how you feel. Use any feelings of discomfort as a warning bell. When you feel uncomfortable in any way, stop what you're doing and identify the judgmental thoughts in your head. Write them down while you're thinking of them or as soon as you can get to a pen and paper.

Drop

The only way to drop your judgments is to start translating them into the truth of what's important to you. Once you identify the uncomfortable judgmental thoughts, it's time to figure out the values you hold dear that are buried within those judgments.

For example, "I'm not good enough to get the things I want" might be translated into the important values of accomplishment, effectiveness or even a deep desire to contribute. Now try saying that to yourself, "I deeply value accomplishment." Can you feel the difference?

Roll

Once the painful fire is out and you are clear about what's most important to you, it's time to roll out a new plan. Identify at least two actions you can take that will support you in creating the things that you value.

Once you've mastered the Stop, Drop and Roll technique, you're well on your way to building your self-confidence and re-energizing your self-esteem. If you'd like to learn even more personal growth skills that can be used to build your self-confidence sign up for our free motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series or one of our transformational courses.www.FocusedAttention.com

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

Published by Beth Banning and Neill Gibson, founders of Focused Attention. Our mission is to provide very effective self help and personal development tools, and the skills to use them well. Our passion is to help you build a strong foundation for deeply satisfying relationships in all areas of your life.

Discover why over 80% of our clients say our courses are extremely effective for building self acceptance, self esteem, and self confidence. Learn how to reduce the stress of difficult conversations and problem situations, and accelerate your personal growth and ability to succeed at the same time.

For more information, to sign up for our eZine or enroll in our free thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at:
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