The Shocking Truth about LOVING!

Love is already everywhere in your life. Everywhere.

Yes I know, often it doesn't seem that way, especially since we've been raised in a society where we're taught to believe that love is measured by whether people do certain things and act in particular ways. And that anything different than this isn't love.

This can be described as the: "If they loved me they would." test.

"If they loved me they would say thank you (spend more time with me, listen to me, buy me birthday gifts,.)."

"If they loved me they wouldn't complain (get upset, walk out before I was done talking, watch so much TV,.)."

Most people believe this is true, more or less, and because of this belief we learn to focus on whether people are, or aren't, doing that specific set of things that mean "love" to us.

It may be shocking, but the idea that the best way to EXPERIENCE love is whether people conform to our expectations, is simply not true . Why? Because what we focus our attention on grows and becomes our reality.

Have you ever noticed that when your attention becomes focused on something new you suddenly start noticing it everywhere? Most people experience this when they buy a different car model than they used to own. We recently got a new car and when we were choosing this model it seemed to us that it was pretty rare. Now it seems like the roads are full of them.

So, if we accept this very limiting test for love then it may seem like love is a pretty rare thing. Love won't be obvious - to you, to me, or to anyone. If you're able to shift your focus of attention about love it's possible to experience love everywhere.

To experience the abundance of love that is already everywhere in your life it's important to learn how to be loving to yourself and to others. In this article we're going to offer seven simple tips that can help you experience more L-O-V-I-N-G in your life.

L ~ in L-O-V-I-N-G stands for: 'Let go of expectations'

We all need to Let go of expectations. One key to seeing and experiencing love is to learn to focus on the love that is already present in our life. Not whether people are passing the: "If they loved me they would." test. Just look for the love that is already there.

But how do you recognize the love that's already there? One way to do this is by applying the following question to any of your "love tests."

For example, let's say your test is: "If they loved me they would spend more time with me." Then ask yourself this question, "What do I value that has me want to spend more time together?" You might find it's because you value closeness, fun, and caring.

Now you can start noticing how often you experience these things in your life already. So every time something happens, or doesn't happen, and you tell yourself that it is evidence of a lack of love in your life, shift the focus of your attention to what you value, and then take inventory of all the places in your life where you already experience these things.

This is how you Let go of your expectation that love means people doing any specific thing. It's a way to change your expectations about love so you can begin focusing on the evidence of the love that already exists in your life. Again, what we focus our attention on grows and becomes our reality.

Choose to shift the focus your attention from what you DON'T have to what you DO have. Then enjoy the love and loving experiences that become evident when you start to look for them.

Love is present!

O ~ in L-O-V-I-N-G stands for 'Owning your story.'

Owning your story is an essential ingredient in the recipe for Seeing and Experiencing an abundance of love in your life.

Have you ever believed something about someone or a situation, and it turned out that it wasn't the way you thought at all. We call this thinking about a person or situation our "story"; and, unless we verify it, we can't know that it is "THE TRUTH!" But very often, without checking it out, we are completely certain that our opinion is "THE TRUTH."

It may come as a surprise, but whenever you have a "story" about someone or something and you don't enjoy how you feel when that story is running in your head, it means that your attention is focused on lack, limitation, and fear. Check it out. The next time this is happening make a list of the ways that your story means that you might lose something you have, or won't get something that you want. You'll discover that in some way you be live your needs are likely to go unmet.

The key to Seeing and Experiencing Love and of being Loving is to have effective ways to manage your "stories", these wondering thoughts that have drifted off into a limiting, and limited, view of love. It's important for you to develop some skill at managing these stories and bringing your focus of attention back to what you do want to experience in your life.

Of course the simplest, and most obvious, means of managing your stories is to ask the other people involved if what you're thinking is accurate from their point of view. Then, and this is the trickier part, to be able to listen to, and understand their answers so completely that you're able to believe them.

We'll cover how to do this more fully in the next sections, but this begins by remembering that your "story" is not THE TRUTH. When you can create a shared reality with others .

Love is present!

V ~ in L-O-V-I-N-G stands for 'Validating others'

Have you ever talked to someone about something that concerns you and in the process they became upset? Very often when someone gets upset we start defending ourselves and justifying our position.

Unfortunately, this only brings our focus back to lack, limitation, and fear. You can bring the gift of closeness, caring, and understanding to any situation by being able to validate and acknowledge other people's ideas, beliefs, and understandings, which may be very different from your own.

One thing that prevents us from seeing though loving eyes is our concern that by understanding and validating someone else's beliefs it means that we agree with them, or that it will weaken our position. This thinking perpetuates an old and limiting point of view.

Often, if you're able to listen to someone openly and until you completely understand their point of view, they will receive the acknowledgment and understanding they need to truly consider your point of view. This process of Validating others lifts us out of limitation and opens us to the possibility of being loving.

So today - listen to other as if they were you, dissolving all limitations in the
process and .

Love is present!

I ~ in L-O-V-I-N-G stands for 'Interest in others'

It seems obvious doesn't it?  If we aren't interested in the other person's concerns and desires, how can everyone be satisfied with the outcome? How can love exist as a one-way street?

But often we're afraid of expressing interest in what the other person wants because we believe that someone has to give something up or give in to resolve a conflict, and if it's not them then it's going to be us. Again this thought only brings us back to focusing on lack, limitation and fear.

One thing you can do to increase the love in your life is to be interested in everyone being satisfied. This means finding out what the other person wants, because if you don't know you can't come up with strategies that will work for everyone. Right now make a commitment to yourself that you will focus on everyone being satisfied and don't forget that EVERYONE includes YOU.

Become an explorer. Explorer's trust that what they are looking for exists and they're willing to persist until they find what they're looking for. Trust that when you focus on everyone being satisfied, it is possible .

And love is present!

N ~ in L-O-V-I-N-G stands for 'Negotiation'

First we want to distinguish between Negotiation and Compromise. Compromise is where you begin by figuring out what everybody wants and then people start giving up things they want until everyone thinks they can live with what's left. We believe Compromise comes from focusing on lack, limitation, and fear. The belief that there isn't enough to go around and you have to settle for what you can get.

Compromise focuses on beginning at the strategy level, the who-can-do-what in a situation. Since we all tend to get very attached to our own strategies we tend to fight hard for them, like there is no other option. Only focusing at the strategy level is one of the things that leads to Compromise.

Then, on the other hand, there is Negotiation. Have you ever successfully negotiated your way through a very crowded shopping center? Did anyone not get to where they wanted to go in order for you to get where you wanted to go? Negotiation is a process of identifying where everybody wants to go, and then figuring out how everybody can get there.

Negotiation begins with the process of identifying what everyone values and what is missing in the situation. When you are focused on identifying what everyone values in this way, and on everyone being satisfied, many creative strategies that work for everyone can occur without any compromise and .

Love is present!

G ~ in L-O-V-I-N-G stands for 'Gratitude'

Yes - you guessed it, loving is only completed through Gratitude. Have you ever expressed your caring for someone through a gift or a deed and then the person didn't express any gratitude? Being grateful completes the circuit that perpetuates the cycle of creation. Without gratitude the cycle of creation is interrupted.

But stop and think about it, how often do we take the time to be grateful for what we have, our successes, or what other people bring to our lives. It feels great when we do, but on a regular basis it seems that most of us forget to be grateful.

Gratitude takes you from the realm of lack, limitation and fear and supports you in focusing your attention on abundance, which in turn opens the door to being more loving and having more love in your life.

So, stop right now and think for a moment. No matter where you are, there are countless things to be grateful for. Use that inventory you've taken of all the places where you already experience love in your life

Who are the people in your life you enjoy? Be grateful. Do you have a roof over your head and food to eat? Be grateful. Do you own things that make you life easier? Be grateful. Have you done anything you can be proud of? Be grateful.

While you are feeling the affect of gratitude .

Love is present!

The Shocking Truth is that L-O-V-I-N-G is up to you. And it's all about where you focus your attention.

When you take the time to redirect your thinking and focus on the truth about love, you begin to understand that LOVE and LOVING is within you. If you allow it, you can experience the freedom in this idea, and have something else to be grateful for.

So let's recap.

L ~ Let go of expectations

O ~ Owning your story

V ~ Validate others

I ~ Interest in others

N ~ Negotiation

G ~ Gratitude.

Take time today to make a list of words that mean love to YOU. Then each day for the next month take a word or two from your list and choose to Focus your Attention on them: look for them in every person, place, or thing that comes across your path.

For example: if you choose the word 'connection' as a love word - that day not only practice seeing it everywhere, but practice BEING it everywhere. Ask yourself throughout the day, "Are my thoughts and actions in harmony with being connected with others? Are my thoughts and actions in harmony with being connected with myself?"

You can do this anywhere, it anytime.

During the month, whenever you or others feel tense or upset, remember your story is not "THE TRUTH." Then make a commitment to everyone being satisfied and ask yourself, "What is there for me to explore here?"

Also, each day during the month, identify at least 3 things you are grateful for and .

Love will be present! It can't help but be!

In Next Month's Issue

Be sure to read next month's newsletter. We'll be sharing new tips and insights.

Until then expect the best!

Published by Beth Banning & Neill Gibson

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